Have A Holly Jolly Julianuary
by Newboy7
Summary: The Pines are back home for Christmas in Gravity Falls.


**The festive season had finally settled upon the sleepy lumber town of Gravity Falls Oregon, a place of beauty, tranquility and numerous soul-devouring monsters. If there was ever a physical manifestation of an oxymoron, this place fits the description you've been searching for. Though whilst it attracts the strangely weird and weirdly strange, it also draws in other things, such as the adventurous and utterly insane Pines Twins, and no that is not the name of an overly metaphorical motel. The name instead belongs to the twin brother and sister, Dipper and Mabel. Whom have taken shelter in the old, comfy embrace of the Mystery Hack.**

 **(So now that, that expositions out the way) Our story begins much like every other Christmas tale, with the snow glistening on the roof tops and the early morning birds chirping in the trees. Ya know, the typical Christmas package you'd expect from cable TV Christmas special. However, as we venture into the dilapidated fortress of solitude. We see a slumbering Dipper Pines, wrapped up in his blankets, dreaming of a time long past; of summer adventures, Lovecraftian monsters and the occasional Red-Head.**

 **The rise and fall of Dipper's chest was slow and steady, as his noggin dwelled on more nostalgic matters. It is, of course, at this point in the morning, when all is silent and calm, when first light breaks through yonder window, when nothing is more desired than to stay in a warm and cosy bed for all eternity. That Mabel came stumbling into the room, long discarding her covers in search of Christmas cheer before the big day arrives, she took interest in her brother's dreaming. Just as Dipper reached the epic climax of his dream (and no, that is not an innuendo, get you head out of the gutter people), he is met with the sound of-**

"Dipper...", reluctant Dipper merely grumbled in his sleep, his eyes squinting against the high pitched noise that was all to familiar.

"Dipper...", gently cracking his eyes open, he glanced at Mabel's blurred form, but merely assumes it is nothing more than part of his dream, but, oh wait-

"BRO BRO!"

"Ahhhhhh", screaming and scrambling out of his bed in a bleak attempt to scavenge any kind of comfort. Dipper heaved his form from the floor, and clung to the side of the bed.

Questioningly Mabel tilted her head, "You suck your thumb?" Dipper suddenly recoiled from his foetus position and slowly removed his thumb from his mouth, which had oddly taken the form of a prune.

After sweeping his hand across his face to clear the sleep from his eyes, his vision began to clear. Frustrated, Dipper moaned gutturally in an annoyed tone, "Mabel, what did I tell you about lie-ins".

"That they make great pets?" Mabel asked teasingly, waggling her eyebrows as she did so.

Dipper replied with thecavemanimpressionof 'Ugh', as he yawned furiously in an attempt to shake the sleep from his body, due to a lack of Caffeine in his system. Whilst checking his watch, he berated Mabel for her early bird nature,  
"It's 6:30 in the morning Mabel and 18 hours before Christmas Day. Why did you wake me up?"

An innocent and pouted look appearedon her face, as she apologised with aclassic,"I know, I'm sorry Dipper." However, her face instantly turned into one of pure joy and excitement, that only a human with a Mabel amount of energy could produce **(yes, that is now an official scientific measurement, I checked)** ,  
as she retorted.

"But you forget! It is now the eve of Christmas. A time of for decorations, present wrapping and of course." In pure unadulterated excitement she lowered herself to floor, as if to jump with the force a megaton nuclear bomb, which is exactly what followed.  
"BACON PANCAKES!"

During her release of catastrophic energy, she managed to successfully thwack Dipper in the nuts, like a not so majestic seagull. She left her brother on the floor in agony, whilst simultaneously screaming a frequencies only dogs should hear.

"I think my eardrums just exploded...", gasping for breath he latched onto the desk in an attempt to support his crushing crotch agony. "Mabel, please, have mercy... I think my balls just retracted back into my body... I really can't fell anything anymore"

Rolling her eyes in the usual sarcastic sibling fashion, she wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled him offthe floor. "Ah come on Broseph! 'I need some waffles for my Dumptruck'. Nobody does them better than you, and I DO NOT want to taste  
hair in my Stancakes today."

Both twins gagging in disgust, Dipper gave her a small chuckle, she always managed to make him laugh, even after a crushing blow to the testicles, and by God did it hurt. Mabel suddenly got on her hands and knees in prayer position, and gave him the largest  
cow eyes know to man, "Please".

Dipper giving into his sister's charms **(** **as per usual)** , rolled his eyes to the side in embarrassment. "Oh, alright. I guess, I mean..." Not getting the chance to finish his ramblings, Mabel grabbed his hand and said eight words  
that shock fear into his very core, even after 3years.

"Great! Race you to the bottom of the stairs", pulling Dipper down with her, they both tipped over the edge of the attic floor and into the open air for about half a second.

"Mabel, wait!" Alas, Dipper had no time to object, because as soon as they hit the staircase. They had landed on a food tray and were already surfing down the blanket of snow, that had been laced on the steps of the old rickety stairs.

"Thank you for joining us this evening, make sure to keep you arms and legs in at all times. Soos almost lost his arm on this thing last week whilst test driving it, so try not to cause a lawsuit. Your exits are absolutely no where! So hold on tight!"  
Mabel's screams of delight almost drowned out Dipper's screams of terror, as he soon turned as white as Grunkle Stan's chest hair **(ew, gross)**.

Dipper's screaming eventually joined Mabel's joy-filled laughter as they sped down the staircase at break neck speeds. The icy steps gave them an advantage, as it only increased their velocity, sliding past old frames and photos, of times long forgot  
from Stan's past lives.

They eventually hit the corner of the banister diverting their path, as all sorts of manner of objects were thrown down the stairs, chasing after them. The floor arrived, quickly and painfully, which in a way perfectly describes the nature of their relationship **(ha, that was cheeky)**.

After of a series of back kricks and other popping noises, as bones were reinserted back into sockets, they finally managed to support themselves in an upright position. Dipper, began to exhale, "Welp, I just lost all feeling in my legs", as he finished  
cracking his neck from side to side.

Meanwhile, Mabel was sweeping the dust off of her pyjamas, and the spluttering up the Shack's dust from her lungs. Gesturing to the staircase, she altered her voice to sound like Grunkle Stan's. "Another great result for Mabel's *cough* Foodtray *cough*  
Airlines *cough*. Waddles you might want to write down our customers review."

Being the infinitely cute pig Waddles was, he tried to pick up the pencil with his little, fat hoofs, but alas, the skill of holding objects still alludes him to this day. "Aw, look how cute you are. In your little chubby business man suit, someone's  
in need of a photo shoot!"

Turning his head in disbelief back towards the staircase, Dipper directed his attention towards Mabel, "Did you set all of this up? How long have you been awake?" Staring at her tentatively, Mabel hugged Waddles to her chest and slowly turned to meet  
Dipper's eyes with a dark and sinister look, that delved to deep into her mind as she harshly whispered, "Too long".

Then as if someone flipped a cuteness switch in her mind, she returned back to her normal, bubbly state, "Now go make me some Pancakes!" Mabel patientlypointed him in the direction of the kitchen door,Dipper strolled in with Mabel following  
in close pursuit. Dipper was then reminded of the darker side to Mabel's personality, a point he assumed, that further proves his sister's insanity. But after living with her for 16 years of his life, it was just another one of the many things he  
adored about her.


End file.
